Planet Earth at Aphelion

Poor conservatives! After years of liberal restrictions on the basic human right to forcibly shove Jesus down the throats of all the stupid degenerates who cannot be made to see the light (so much for the supposed value of education!), here it appears that W is squandering the chance for which they've been waiting since the moment they learned how to control people. This is an opportunity as rare as the alignment of our solar system's planets (well, in the mythological scientific world sold to us by liberals for all these years in their efforts to kill God); here W has the chance not simply to start moving the court's alignment to the far right, but to take the first steps in a comprehensive retooling of the American Dream. A dream where mothers who don't want to be pregnant are shown the boot or the jail cell; where doctors who assist women with these decisions are hunted down and prosecuted, with a gun (in every home!) if necessary; a world where a coat hanger is never just a coat hanger; where it's made clear from Day One to young school students that Jesus Is Lord. And these are just the obvious things! Who knows what other exciting revelations await in this grand vision of homespun decency and moral rectitude?

What an opportunity: it's an alignment of the planets of conservatism, if you will, that we've not seen since the halcyon days of despotic kingly rule. And what does W do? Leaving his playbook behind and just winging it, he appoints someone with nothing like the proper background and whose prime qualifications seem to be an unquestioned fealty to The Man Himself and a willingness to publicly admit to a radical personal transformation at the hands of an imaginary friend. The same imaginary friend, not coincidentally, that saved W himself from everything he is. (Or was before the imaginary friend thing.) Talk about a lost opportunity! I mean, you're only gonna get a candidate like that thru a congress where the whole lot of them are embracing their imaginary friends. (Hey, Tom Delay has experience bringing that about.) Anyway, this approach to choosing candidates stands in stark contrast to W's past practice of appointing to important posts people with rich and exemplary qualifications, even when their views differed from his own...

Oh, God! I got off track! I was thinking of another president entirely! I'm reading Michael O'Brien's new biography of JFK, and this was his approach to appointments. It's easy to confuse the two guys, though...